Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?  To prevent….

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips move.


 


What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Why don’t snakes bite attorneys?
Professional courtesy.

What do we have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.

What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman pinscher.

What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture doesn’t get Frequent Flyer Miles.

What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture eventually let’s go.

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can’t understand.

What’s the difference between baseball and law?
In baseball, if you’re caught stealing, you’re out.

How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
She has an extreme craving for baloney.



“Lawyers: are persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief.” –Franz Kafka

I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character.” –Woodrow Wilson

“The minute you read something you don’t understand, you can be almost sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.” –Will Rogers

No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. — Jean Giradoux

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as ‘unearned income.’ – Michael Lara

There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law.

There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.

Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree.

The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”

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